Recently while trying to catch up on blog reading, I read a post by one of my very favorite bloggers about not making excuses. Even though she published this about two weeks ago, it really resonated with me right now! There are a couple things going on in my life that require that I either put up or shut up, and Michelle’s post was very motivating to move myself into the “put up” category!
I have yet again gained a few more pounds. I do not like it. I do not feel good. And I’m not body shaming myself, I am not in good shape either. If maybe I was super fit and strong but still had a few extra pounds I wouldn’t worry. That is not the case here. This is pure laziness and white powdered donuts (they are like crack to me). I went to the gym purely just to force myself to be there today, and was embarrassed that I can’t even run a mile right now.
I’ve been in love with horses forever and riding on and off since I was 7. This is not an inexpensive hobby. So with my current part-time work status (which, ironically, gives me the time to ride again), I can’t exactly dive back in to the horse world like I would like. It’s pretty much just a toe dip at this point. But I want more, I need more! It’s just not financially responsible to spend tons of money on this hobby right now.
So what’s the point…
Over the last couple weeks I’ve spent significant time reflecting on what I really want my life to look like. I have unfortunately always put a lot of stock in what I thought everyone else thought my life should look like, which led to my making some decisions that I wasn’t happy with in the long term.
For example: I was basically a work-a-holic when we lived in Nebraska because I had changed careers and wanted desperately to prove that it had not been a bad decision. So I made it my mission in life to work as hard and as much as possible to get promoted as quickly as possible. I did achieve my goals but I had zero work life balance, something I craved at my core.
It would be easy to sit here in front of my computer late at night and say that I’m going to change my whole life and lifestyle right now, but then it would also probably be a massive failure. Though I do feel something different than before. I’ve read what others have written about suddenly having this burning desire for something different. Once you get a taste of something different or have that vision in your head, you can’t rest until you get it. I am desperate to maintain my current level of work life balance but also have money for the things I love and want to do with my time.
So this time I’m going to push. I’ve been pushing myself to write something for about 5 days. Telling myself that I have more than enough free time and if I really want these things I envision, I had better get to work! I have seen too many people carve out their own success not to give it a try myself!
Tomorrow I will push myself to go to the gym again. I do not want to go, but if I keep pushing, in a week or a month or three, maybe I’ll look back and be happy with what I’ve accomplished! And just maybe, I’ll be a little closer to what I’m envisioning!